It always ends one of two ways: either the person suspected of cheating asks the flowers be sent to their significant other and eliminates the suspicions that they were cheating; or, they ask to send the flowers to someone other than their significant other and they confirm their partner’s suspicions that they are in fact cheating. If the later happens, the significant other who set them up jumps in on the phone call and starts interrogating…. “Who is he/she?!”, “Why are you sending him/her flowers?”, “I just knew something was off! I can’t believe you!”
On this particular day the man expected to be cheating did have the flowers sent to a woman other than his girlfriend. When his girlfriend got on the line and questioned him he pitifully explained how the flowers were “for his coworker” who “helped him close a sale” and he “wanted to thank her.” Sensing the girlfriend was buying it, the radio host interjected and asked if she really believed that and reminded her “I did make it very clear these are a sexy bouquet of roses for a special someone….” To everyone’s disbelief the girlfriend wasn’t even upset. She didn’t even question her boyfriend any further and said “I know you would never cheat on me.” Then proceeded to apologize for setting him up. It was so anti-climactic compare to most every other time I’ve heard this segment. He got defensive, smooth talked his way through what most of us would assume to be a lie and his girlfriend bought it – hook, line and sinker.
After hearing that my heart felt heavy for this poor girl. She was obviously delusional and she’s likely in for a handful of heartache from that man assuming there is something going on between him and his coworker.
I thought on that longer… How can anyone be so gullible? What type of person believes something like that? What would cause someone to be so ignorant as to not even ask clarifying questions and really press in for a truthful answer? Am I like that? What would I do if I were her?
I came to a conclusion, which is this: it takes so much courage to face reality. It’s hard. It’s often painful and it’s almost always isolating as you quickly realize, not many actually choose to deal with reality because of how painful it can be.
It’s so easy for all of us (myself included) to barricade truth out of our lives and live in a fantasy world. You know… the one where your significant other isn’t cheating, the one where your spouse isn’t an alcoholic, or where your son or daughter’s rebellion isn’t “that bad” and you can “fix it.” The alternate reality where you are “able to manage” your eating disorder or porn addiction. Where your partners cruel and crass behavior isn’t “abuse” and “they just need love” and you don’t want to ”walk out on them” because “you’re the only one who can love them like they need to be loved in order to help them change.”
Maybe we don’t want to know he/she is cheating because our subconscious mind tells uf if we don’t know, it won’t hurt so bad.
Maybe if we go to bed early we won’t have to see our significant other stumble in drunk we can keep pretending they don’t have a problem.
Maybe our son or daughter’s rebellion isn’t so bad and if we just bail them out of jail or get them into another recovery program, they will finally get it together.
Maybe our eating disorders or porn addictions aren’t so bad and we tell ourselves “starting tomorrow I won’t do it anymore.”
Maybe our significant other really is a good person deep down and we tell ourselves “Oh, if I would’ve been happier when I greeted him/her at the door I wouldn’t have been yelled at,” or “If I did a better job providing what he/she needs I wouldn’t have been thrown across the room.”
The problem with those kinds of thoughts is that they are lies. They aren’t truth. It’s a fantasy we create to keep our hearts safe… or at least, that’s what’s intend when we buy into them. We are scared of the truth and don’t know how to handle it so we create these alternate realities hoping our heart will stay safe.
In a sense, it’s a nice gesture. It’s good we care enough about our hearts to want to protect them from the cruelty of the world.
But we are kidding ourselves if we think we are actually doing ourselves a favor.
In fact, we are doing a disservice to ourselves when we believe our own lies. Until we deal with reality, our capacity to love ourselves and others is stunted at best.
Maybe the truth is the person is cheating.
Maybe our significant other is an alcoholic.
Maybe our son or daughter’s rebellion is a big problem.
Maybe our eating disorders or porn addictions aren’t something we can manage on our own.
Maybe our significant other really is abusing us.
I think so often we are afraid to deal with reality because it almost always points us back to the brokenness in ourselves.
Accepting the significant other is cheating might lead us back to a belief we have buried deep down that we aren’t good enough – that there must be something wrong with me if he/she is cheating.
Accepting that the spouse is an alcoholic or a son or daughter in fact cannot be saved by jumping through all the hoops and being a martyr for their cause might lead us to find out we are codependent and don’t like ourselves enough to do what’s best for us – that we are only going to be okay if the other person is okay… that our greatest cause is to help “save them.”
Accepting that we can’t manage the eating disorder or porn addiction on our own might lead us down a road back to childhood where we first accepted that we weren’t enough. Where we first bought the lies something had to be different about us in order for anyone to love us or the lie that we aren’t capable or equipped for relationships with real people and at least pornography can’t reject us.
Accepting that your significant other is in fact abusive might take you for a stroll down memory lane as the memories flood your mind of ways you were made to feel like you weren’t enough and didn’t deserve to be treated like the prince or princess you are and how eventually, those thoughts led you to the person who reinforced what you already believed.
Facing reality so often shows us our own brokenness, areas we need to grow in and self-debilitating thoughts we have that we need to eliminate.
Facing reality is scary… horrifying at times. Sometimes it’s so painful you’re amazed by you hearts capacity to keep on beating and shocked it hasn’t shut down from the pain. It’s awful. It’s miserable. It’s lonely. It’s isolating. It’s humiliating at times.
But I can also tell you this: It’s worth it. YOU are worth it.
You deserve to live a life of freedom and that will not come from plugging your ears and pretending what’s happening isn’t actually happening.
It will only come when you muster up the courage to stare down the monster under the bed and clean out the skeletons in your closet.
It might be hard at first. But you can do this.
You have what it takes.
You deserve to walk in the freedom that’s waiting for you on the other side.