“What a terrifying time to be raising boys” she said – glumly shaking her head after catching a recent update on the news. “It’s too bad women can make accusations against men and get away with it. Our poor sons will have to constantly live in fear of women; always worried – knowing that even just looking at the wrong way might warrant a false allegation of abuse. What a shame.”
It didn’t sit well with me. Not even a little bit.
Having past abusive encounters with more than 1 man, my heart wanted to vomit when it felt her words and caught a glimpse of the reality that shapes her perspective.
I couldn’t disagree with her more.
What an amazing time to raise our boys to be men. What a beautiful occasion for more men to arrive on the scene. We’ve never needed them more than we do now. The job opportunity is in high demand.
To raise our sons to accept that no means no.
To raise our sons to use their gift of leadership to empower and affirm women.
To raise our sons to know that just because she is passed out drunk and won’t remember the next day, to honor her body and leave her alone. Better yet, to go out of his way to get her home safely so she’s not in harms way of the cowards who would take advantage.
To raise our sons to know that drunken consent is not consent. To know she is valuable enough to fight for her heart and pursue her soul during the day. To pursue her while she’s sober, because he wants her to know while she’s coherent that he is a good man who can be trusted.
To raise our sons to be proud of the fact that when they are around, no woman ever has to feel threatened, scared or intimidated.
To raise our sons to know that their strength and courage are beautiful gifts from God. To know they can operate in those gifts on a daily basis as they fiercely fight for and defend the honor of women.
To raise our sons to be brave and bold in their convictions. So that they would address the friend who is sharing her naked picture to the masses. To raise our sons to know they are more masculine and righteous to defend her than the coward who’s degrading her for the sake of boosting his own ego.
To raise our sons to hold the door for women, to help them carry the groceries, to walk her to her car – not because she is weak and incapable. But because he knows his strength is best used to exonerate another… because she is so valuable, she is worth elevating.
To raise our sons to fight for purity. Theirs and the purity of the women around them.
To raise our sons to value brains over bodies.
To raise our sons to be so secure in who God created them to be, their confidence doesn’t come from the pornography that can’t turn them down or the girl who was easy to take advantage of.
To know that looking at her lustfully, is an act of theft. It’s robbing a piece of her that she will never get back.
To raise our sons to know that as God given leaders, it’s their privilege and responsibility to pursue her heart before pursuing her body. To have the understanding that before they get the benefits of a covenanted marriage, they need to cultivate a relationship of trust and respect.
To know that before they can build a home with her, they need to lay a foundation of integrity and stability.
To realize how selfish it is to awaken her love with no intention of loving her back. To take advantage of what should be left for her husband, with no intention of ever being her husband.
…to know that it’s not okay to take a piece of her soul, only to walk away from her story.
We can complain all day long about the women who falsely accuse men of crimes they didn’t commit. Because yes, sadly, sometimes that does happen.
We can live in fear and let it guide our parenting style as we teach our sons women cannot be trusted; that they are unpredictable time bombs who will inevitably explode and take men down with them, so it’s best to completely stay away.
Or we can raise our sons to live so high above reproach, they don’t live in fear of being caught in that crossfire.
A real man isn’t likely to find himself in a situation of being falsely accused. And if he sadly does end up there, he will have the character and integrity to navigate it better than the boy parading around in a mans body.
Let’s raise our sons to be men, not cowards.