You know when you’re in one of those really tough seasons, how it’s easy to wonder if God is even there? You feel abandoned and it seems like you have no capacity to improve your situation. You just need someone to throw you a lifeline.
I’ve been there.
Recently, I was in a season of complete burnout. Of feeling like God was only there when I performed and checked all the boxes. I couldn’t keep it up any longer. That mixed with several other life circumstances that all hit at once (because that’s what they do, right? All hit at once?) and I was done. I had nothing left to give.
And I was PISSED.
…pissed at God.
Can I be super honest?
At the peak of it all, there was a night that was particularly brutal. I was laying on the bathroom floor, crying and screaming at God “where the hell are you?!”
I know… a Christian blogger who yelled at God.
But that’s the raw reality of it.
I know you’ve likely been there too.
So let’s cut the sweet, little, holier-than-thou-Christianese garbage and be honest with each other.
Sometimes, it feels like life is strangling you and God could cut the rope if He wanted to, but instead, He’s watching you suffer.
Sometimes it feels like He has turned His back on us and we’re left questioning His goodness.
And that’s okay.
He can take it.
The same way parents aren’t offended when their children yell at them and say they are the worst parents in the world because they didn’t let them eat cotton candy for dinner.
The same way teenagers accuse their parents of “ruining their lives” when guidelines such as curfew and acceptable clothing choices are in place.
You see, the more perspective a person has, the more they realize, those aren’t battles worth getting offend by. As a parent, you realize your child will one day see the good in your decisions, even though in the moment, it doesn’t feel good to them. Even though, in the moment, your child thinks you are against them.
How much more grace does God, with infinite perspective, have for His children?
Because, truth be told, sometimes we act just like children. Sometimes, our immaturity and small perspective on life gets the best of us.
And that too, is okay.
The God of the universe has wisdom, patience and grace for us, that are more vast than we can ever imagine.
He’s on our side.
He remains peaceful, even when we’re pissed.
His ego isn’t so fragile, that our emotions send Him into a rage.
His fuse isn’t so short, He’s going to unleash His wrath on you.
His self-esteem isn’t so pathetic, that He’s going to cry and feel like a failure.
He can take it.
Do you know what I imagine He does when we are pissed at Him?
I imagine, like any good father, He pulls us in closer.
Sometimes, our violent thrashing keeps us from noticing His embrace. Sometimes, our yelling and complaining keep us from feeling His love and hearing His encouragement.
But He’s there.
Holding us in His hand, snuggled up close to His chest.
He’s there, moving our hair off of our faces and wiping the tears from our eyes.
He’s there, loving on us even as we yell at Him, telling Him how mad we are at Him.
He’s whispering back “I know. I still love you. You’ll understand one day and in the meantime, my grace will cover that.”